All the Subtle Things
by Marry Gold
Summary: Heshikiri Hasebe is an attendant loyal to his master. But does his loyalty masks something he couldn't himself understand; being him originally a sword, incapable of comprehending the complex emotions of being a human?


Stinging. Throbbing. Release. Helplessness. Repeat.

Heshikiri Hasebe is a man of loyalty and sincerity towards the master who wields him. Be it trivial or carnal orders, he would willingly execute it without as much as a snuff. At least, that was what Hasebe would think of himself. Lately, he would find himself questioning every move that his master made, every word that she said. There was a distance in her voice, the one that Hasebe could not cross even though he had sacrificed everything in his power.

'Does she even wanted me here?' Hasebe would ask himself every waking morning before grooming himself to perfection. All the other warriors are his rivals in obtaining his master's love and attention. They all wanted her to use them more than the other. They all wanted to prove themselves in front of her. And she did. The tantos were her favourite. Yagen. Shinano. Gokotai. Akita. Those four would always leave the Citadel with a smile on their faces. Smiles that rotted Hasebe's heart down to its core. The new warrior that was recently manifested now spent most of his time clinging onto her with every fibre of his being. And there was no stopping her because she seemed to genuinely enjoy his company. With a splash of cold water on his face, he wiped it clean and stared at himself in the mirror. Tired wrinkles lined the corner of his eyes and his eye bags were so puffy it made his eyes looked swollen. He had not much sleep last night as he was updating master's battle records just in case she would review it tomorrow. 'God, I looked awful.' He shrugged and put on some makeup. Nobody must know.

"Master, I've prepared the list of warriors for today's Citadel's affairs. Do you want me to read it to you?"

Hasebe's eyes gleamed with happiness seeing her flipping through the documents he had prepared wholeheartedly last night. Her eyes moved left to right, scanning every line that was written on the paper. It seemed that she did not hear him just now. He reached out and touch her shoulders. That made her jumped a little. She then looked at him and smiled sweetly. That smile never failed to heal his tired being.

"Ah, yes Hasebe. Anything the matter?"

"I was wondering if you'd want to me to read out the ones I've laid out for duty today." He held up a tablet and wanted to open the application that held the info, but even before he could tap on it, she quickly replied.

"That's fine. I trust that you've rotated them accordingly so that no one's working two days in a row. I still have to sort the ones for sorties and expeditions."

She flipped the papers that showed the statistics of the resources available in the citadel. Her eyebrows scrunched together. It was not a good sign. She reached out and nudged him by the shirt, eyes still glued to the piece of paper.

"On second thought, give me the names of the ones who're on duty today."

"Without delay."

He searched her table for a paper and a pen. Because her table was tidy thanks to yours truly, he found them rather quickly and jotted down the names he had put down for duty today. Once he was done, he slipped it in front of her.

Her hum signalled him that she was deep in thought. Her little nose twitched and her eyes so stern and focused; completely contrasted her features whenever she was having fun with the other warriors. But those gleeful features were rarely shared with him who was always by her side. He was only shown her serious persona. There was always a little voice in his head hoping that someday his master would also play with him like she did with the tanto. But today seemed a little different. She was sniffling as she scratched her nose, her breaths were ragged, she was sweating despite the air conditioning turned on. Hasebe immediately knew his master has fallen ill. He gingerly placed his hand on her forehead, which elicits an indifferent response from her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, hands still writing the names of the warriors for the roster.

"I was wondering if you're ill or otherwise." His hands now pulled back when he saw her glaring at the edge of her glasses.

"I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about." Once she finished rewriting the duty roster for the day, she quickly turned it to him. He read it and noticed her handwriting was getting sloppier towards the end. She was obviously rushing to get him out of her hair.

"Master, Hotarumaru had already done the fieldwork three days ago," Hasebe pointed out her mistake as well as Hotarumaru's name that was written on the paper. She took her pen and immediately scratched it, replacing it with Akashi.

Hasebe went through the list again and noticed Akashi's name listed in the first unit as well. He was about to have her correct her mistake again, but then he saw her placing her head on the edge of the table. Her back rhythmically went up and down as fast as her ragged breathing. He put the paper on the table and pulled her up using her shoulders. Her eyes were yet to weaken like her spirit, for they still have the fire to fight the illness that had taken over her body.

"I believe you need to rest for today, master." He was checking her temperature with his forehead now. Looking closely, the skin around her eyes was smoothed with concealer and cream. Her eye bags were a little puffy, but not enough to draw concern. From the looks of it, she was pushing herself hard as well.

Hasebe did not realise she also was staring at him; how she had noticed his tired eyes scanning every nook and cranny of her facial features, and that he was too close for comfort. She papped his cheeks hard, prompting the unaware male to snap out from his reverie.

"And I'm not the only one who needs to rest. You're working way too hard, Hasebe. Get some rest too. I order you."

He looked incredibly distressed. Not only did she was able to see through him, he was ordered to rest as well. If the master were to fall sick now, it would be his responsibility to care for her. He was not going to have that. This would be the first time he would disobey an order.

"But master, I-"

She quickly placed her finger on his lips to hush him. Hasebe was perplexed by her sudden action and could not say anything. With a smile, she patted his head.

"You've done a very good job so far, Hasebe. I know you're tired. I realised that I haven't thanked you enough. I know that you're trying so hard to impress me. I'm very sorry that I haven't done anything for you. But please: take a break and sleep tight, Hasebe. I need you. If you collapse now, I would be so worried."

Hasebe's heart was so full; he was incredibly overjoyed with his master's compliments and acknowledgements. Tears started to form in his tired, violet eyes. He wanted to retort, but the fatigue he tried so hard to push back started to crawl its way to Hasebe's tired form. He needed to compromise.

"I will, but please let me take care of you as well. I want to make sure that you will be alright," his voice now pleading.

She deliberately thought about it for a moment. "Ha!" she began. "Let's take a nap together. That way you'd be able to rest and see me at the same time. But you must sleep or I won't let you serve me anymore."

The condition that was set for him was a little too tough for him to fulfil. So far, the tanto were the ones who were able to sleep with the master, be it naps or sleepovers. So he was happy to be given the opportunity to sleep with her as well. But for him to actually sleep when she was sick... would he be able to do it? He wanted nothing more than to assert his strength and force her to rest without worrying about him. But he knew the dire repercussions he would face for disobeying her; though she is the definition of a sunshine, she would never go back from her words. He had witnessed it first-hand, with Izuminokami. The poor man had to be suspended from sorties for two months and sent to the stable every day. She also refused to give in to his pleas and attempts at forgiveness. He definitely did not want her to refrain him from serving her wholeheartedly. He will rest, despite his wants to aid her.

"Very well, master." His hand held his master's tenderly. "Let's take a break."

She returned the gentle grasp and lead him to her room. It was tidy despite it being small. She laid out the futon and Hasebe quickly helped her. Once the preparations were complete, they both lied down and stared at the ceiling. For some reason, Hasebe's heart was unsteady. It kept thumping against his chest and had gotten harder when she held his hand into hers and faced him. He was nervous and stiff.

"Good night, Hasebe," she gently whispered. Slowly, her eyes fluttered close and she was breathing steadily though heavily.

Hasebe was tired. His frame was comfortable lying on the futon and being embraced by his beloved master. But he was too nervous and happy to be sleeping now. He kept replaying all the moments that had happened today.

The aching, angry feeling he felt when she saw her being happy with someone else but he was immediately replaced with unparalleled joy when she told him she needed him. Was it... jealousy? Did he felt jealous when she was with someone else? Because if he did, it would explain his need to be with her in every waking moment. He wanted her to look at no one else but him.

But there was this one feeling he still could not determine. Every time she smiled, he kept feeling butterflies. All the tiredness he felt was gone, and it made him as fresh as if he had just slept eight hours at night. He wanted to do everything to make her smile. Even if it meant giving way to someone else to make her happy. As he tucked away a stray hair behind her ears, he kissed her head. Realising what he had done, he grimly had an inkling of what he felt towards her. Internally, he repeated 'this feeling is forbidden', over and over again until fatigue finally had taken over. He drifted to sleep, his hand still clutching hers.

He did not know what to do with this feeling. It would only get in the way of his duty towards her. But for now, he cherished this intimate moment they shared together.


End file.
